Hi God/Diary/whoever reads this,

Lets see... Don't really have an agenda, just has been a while since I talked....

Forgiveness. From birth, we were sinners. From birth, we needed the forgiveness of God. And quite easily, this particular need could have been a need that would be unfulfillable. Praise to the Son of God who made this possible. In light of who we are, He took it for us. I wish I could show the same forgiveness. I mean, if I've ever felt wronged or misrepresented, really, how big of a deal is it? Well it may be a big deal but when weighing it up against our weight of sin, it's almost hypocrisy to dwell on it on one hand, and then proclaim that I'm a redeemed Child of God on the other. Ok, making no sense right now.

Since I last wrote, I, amongst others, went through the whole UAI estimate fiasco, survived assessment block three, felt like I couldn't worship God, and lost a lot of sport. And What's come of it? Well, on first inspection, frustration and just moments when its like..oh ****. Which is strange for me, I'm usually quite calm unless it's really serious.

I've also felt like I've toyed around with another's emotions... as well as feeling like I've been toyed around myself. Nonetheless, I've felt and appreciated the beauty in friendship and sharing and time, and relating and just existing with each other. It's wonderful. I love people. I just don't show it in word or action to some people, something I would like to work on. I wouldn't elaborate too much on the particular topic, to save the mention of any single names.

Soccer has brought me to a point of insanity. I've turned into the biggest hot-head on the field. Ironically enough, my performances haven't been too good either. Ought to get more fit and be more of a leader in action. Which I was thinking about, there a different types of leaders right. Vocal leaders, who you follow because you'd like to rally behind them maybe because of their persuasion or just charisma. And then silent leaders, those who don't talk too much, but just quietly go about conducting their own business, in the purest way possible, and in a purity that naturally draws others to do the same.

Trials are looming and the magnitude of work seems un-doable. In attitude, I commit to God what I can't do by myself. And knowing the sort of God You are, and what You've done for me before, I know You Will answer.

In response, I pray I can be a better ambassador for You. In my attitude, towards school, towards people, towards my past. In everything, may the Way, the Truth, the Life, be my everything.

I want to do it for the right reasons. Not because I want some intimacy, not because I feel lonely, not because I feel guilty. When the day comes, I will try and make her happy. I will be accountable to her, and I will stand alongside her in running the race, What's the race; The life that you came to give which was more abundant than ever imagined. Hopefully, it'll be selfless. Hopefully, it reflects Jesus Christ. and just as ambitiously, the love of One Corinthians Thirteen.

I'm growing, wanting to become a better man of God each and everyday. In the calamity and chaos of day to day life, I should never forget who is always there. Who is always willing to forgive.

One last thing: Nsb idol on Thursday, Kenta this is for you. [Cheers Joseph Arthur for a wonderful song]

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May Gods love be with you
Always
May Gods love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

Cause if I find
If I find my way
How much will I find?

I don't know anymore
What its for,
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone, who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand?
cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what its for
Any more than me


Andrew