Dearest diary,

You know, these holidays have been a very strange holidays. I knew that God was going to do something, he was going to shake me up, or something. I've been able to go out quite often, catch a few movies, and do some school work, not as much as I would've liked but decent amount. I guess. For the first time, I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure. With the rejection of the BaCC interview, its all eyes ahead to trying to get into law. I guess this is a bad approach; rather, let God take over my attitude and I be a testimony in my studies. And if I don't get in, what do I look to? transferring from another course? so many unknowns. Increasingly de-motivated of late in doing ancient and Japanese, if I really want it, God in your strength, I know I can do it. Will I be bold enough?

Relationship;
with God, reading the Bible attentively and with the intent of wanting to grow deeper. coming to youth and church ready to give a sacrifice of praise, something of cost, because God has it all, what use is something that is not a sacrifice of praise? Nothing. In prayer, what have I been focusing on? Not Kingdom issues, but my own petty little problems, that are my own fault. Break free time?

with my family, yesterday being able to spend an entire day with my dad's side of relatives. being my grumpy old self as always, letting girl situations and school work dictate my mood, it doesn't reflect well on you God... at all.

with my mates, appreciated how people care about me, they invest time into hearing me out, they share in good times, they share in bad times, they're always there.

with girls, questioning myself. trying to find the true meaning when we declare to you are ALL we need. Have I become so used to the feeling/the thought/the idea, of having someone there? of having some security? Do I really need that security...? No. Do I feel I need it? too many times, yes.

General discussion;

Is Jesus coming back soon? Such is the state of the world, who really knows. Predestinations, tribes people in the forest, the Catholic Church, Genesis, suffering, natural disasters, my friends and their eternal predicament. All are questions which sit within me. But like written in Hebrews, FIX EYES upon Jesus. If theres one thing I want to get totally carried away with, completely surrendered to, its unto the will of Jesus Christ, Savior of the Earth. Savior of my Soul.

Conclusion;

Heb 12:1,2
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Lets go, servants of Jesus Christ.

In Christ

Andrew

Hi!

Since my last post sometime at the beginning of the holidays, things sorted out... and thank God. Eyes ahead to the trials.

Just been watching World Youth Day things on the television, a bit of Kevin Rudd's speech, yesterdays Pope welcome and today's 'stations of the cross';

1. Jesus institutes the Eucharist
2. Jesus prays in Gethsemane
3. Jesus before the Sanhedrin
4. Jesus is scourged and crowned with thorns
5. Jesus carries the cross to Calvary
6. Jesus falls under the weight of the cross
7. Jesus is helped by Simon of Cyrene
8. Jesus meets the pious women of Jerusalem
9. Jesus is nailed on the cross
10. Jesus promises Heaven to the repentant thief
11. Jesus entrusts Mary and John to each other
12. Jesus suffers and dies on the cross
13. Jesus is taken down from the cross, and is laid in the tomb
14. Jesus rises from the dead

It was really remarkable (stations of the cross). The feeling I get, is this desire just to get on my knees and worship God. Epic...amazing... journey that he took for us. Really spectacular performances from everybody. It's personally been encouraging how the teachings have been very Christ-centered. I can't even comprehend the mountains we can move if we combine together to live lives built on the Word of God.

Just to add to my observations and thoughts.

How come Jesus didn't rise again in the stations of the cross? I would've thought that was equally significant and important. Also, the repetition of the Lords Prayer about 14 times overall, at every station I suppose. With the addition of references to Mary; 'Holy mother of God... that bore Jesus... pray for us sinners'. I suppose those its very traditionalist, doctrine even. Nonetheless, 'religion' aside, repeating something 14 times is very very strange. I have never read nor head any biblical significance of Mary conveyed in the Bible. THE Bible, instituted by Constantine.

Andrew

Hi Diary and God,

What a turbulent beginning to the holidays. and I think it's time I pour out the emotions.

Step 1) Why?;

Question God.

Why is this happening, right here, right now. With the impending trials, and the coinciding stress, I question Your Will. But like You say in Corinthians, there's always a way out?

Step 2) Realise something

Life isn't meant to be a easy. Well, and if it is, then maybe we're not stepping out in to vulnerability enough. I certainly feel vulnerable, I certainly feel like I'm somewhere I haven't been for a while, seeing some of those emotions and where they're stemming from. The feelings and emotions are okay, but what am I going to do with them? Will I be an ambassador of Christ, or will I be selfish?

Step 3) Reflect

Being made out to feel a bit like an idiot. Though thinking about it, that's sort of my fault for putting my feelings on the line... to a certain degree anyway. How many times have I sold-out to the world? Surely, that must have hurt God more than I've ever been hurt or am hurting. What am I doing? Is it time to be a little selfish...in my eyes, do I put precedence over what I'm going through over the other side? When these emotions cool down, I need to make the decision.

Step 4) What now?

Cool down. See the situation for what it is and don't let pride get in the way. Or feelings. Or anything. Be considerate. In all things, show love. Look to God.

in Christ's Blood,

Andrew